I feel the weight of his head in the crook of my arm. He looks at me and smiles. I rock in the rocker that was given to me at my bridal shower. His eyes close as I sing a hymn. They open every once in a while - seemingly to see if I'm still there. I am, and he smiles once again.
With my first baby, I was afraid I would spoil him if I held him too much, so I didn't allow myself that luxury too many times. With each child since, I've allowed myself more time with them, just holding them. Some haven't liked it, some have. Zane does and I'm glad, for who knows if I'll have another opportunity such as this?
Each time a baby grows into a child, I forget what it's like to feel that baby-closeness, smell that baby-smell, and bask in that baby-smile. I forget the joy that comes from rocking a baby. Then, the next one comes and I remember and treasure it all over again.
Some day, I'll forget and never be reminded again.
So, as this baby looks at me one last time before he goes to sleep, I smile. "Yes, I'm here. I always will be. I love you."
He smiles and closes his eyes.