Well, it's late Monday night. Tomorrow morning at 6:30, we will be arriving in the pediatric surgical unit of a nearby hospital. Our son's life will change forever.
Physically, he will be changed. He will have one less rib, 2 titanium rods, some screws, several vertebrae fused and discs removed. He may be straighter. He'll stop having back pain related to a worsening curve.
Emotionally, Michael will be changed. I believe he will mature even more beyond his years. He will have even more compassion for those facing physical ailments and surgeries. He will be more understanding of what happens in hospitals and what some children face in their lives.
The spiritual change is what I look forward to the most in our firstborn. Already, he has a trust in the Lord that often puts me to shame. Today, someone said that they'd be a nervous wreck if it were them. He said that there was no reason to be - the Lord is my helper! Praise the Lord. I know he sees the hand of God in all of this - he has from the beginning. I believe the Lord will be able to use our son this week as well as in the weeks and years to come.
People ask how I am doing, as a mom who is watching her son face major surgery. I've had some anxious mornings. Thursday was the day reality really began to hit. After lying awake for an hour, I finally got up and went straight to where I knew I'd find comfort, peace, and strength - the Word of God. I opened my Bible to where I had left off the day before - Hebrews 12. The first words I read were, "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight..." I knew I could lay aside my anxiety and fear. Then the next verse: "Looking unto Jesus..."!!!! AMEN!
I continued on and the Lord allowed this familiar verse to actually appear in my daily reading that blessed morning: "Let your conversation be without covetousnes; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." I had already thought of these precious words, but the Lord let me see His promise in black and white. I also had to ask myself, "Am I content?" My honest answer was "yes!" I wouldn't have scripted our son's life in this manner, but I am truly content as I know we are exactly where God wants us to be. He will use this - He is using this situation!! I am content.
The next verse says, "So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper..." I have never known the truth of this verse as I do today. I was able to share this with Michael and it has comforted him, as well.
I wish I could tell you the many ways God spoke to me that day, many days previous and since, but it's too much to write. I will tell you that when Michael was contemplating surgery the other day and feeling a bit of anxiety, I asked him, "Are you content?"
His reply: "Yes I am."
The Lord is going to walk with us into the hospital tomorrow. He'll be in the O.R. with Michael and in the waiting room with us. He will continue to walk with us in the days, weeks, and years to come.
The Lord is our helper!