I'm a mom. I think I've mentioned that before. I am an ever-changing mother. Sometimes I'm a cuddly mom. Sometimes I'm a nagging mom. Sometimes, I'm a fun mom. Other times, I'm a boring mom.
Last night, I tried to be a cool mom.
All the kids had just gone to bed. I was taking the garbage outside when I came across a huge brown toad. I would have thought it was a bull-frog, but, as I have several young children, I am schooled enough in my reptiles to know that frogs are green and toads are brown(ish). But, this thing was the size of a bull-frog.
Anyway. At first, I thought, "Too bad the kids are in bed. They would love this!" Then, much to the horror of some of my girly-mom friends, I am sure, I had an idea.
"Why don't I just bring it in the house and show them? That should get me some points for being a cool mom!"
So, that's just what I did. Mr. Toad was very docile and let me pick him up without any kind of chase around the driveway. Feeling very proud of myself for not being grossed-out, I walked into the house and went to the base of the stairs leading up to my 4 year old son's room.
"Seth, come down here! You gotta see this!"
"What is it?" he asked with eagerness in his voice.
This was going to be great.
Then, it happened.
I had remembered that frogs were green. I had remembered toads were brown. I had forgotten that toads have a defense mechinism.
Squirting. Oh yes. This toad began to squirt all over me. It was dripping off my hands. It got on my skirt. Still trying to be the cool mom, I actually waited a bit to see if it would run out of juice.
I turned from cool mom to girly-mom. "Ewwww!!! Gross!!! OH, YUCK!!!!" I ran out of the house and tossed Mr. Toad onto my porch.
Seth asks again, "what is it?"
"Nothing, Seth. Never mind."
Try to be cool and get squirted on.
Welcome to my life!