The other evening, I saw an old acquaintance and met his wife. His wife was exactly what I always knew he'd marry - sweet, pretty, absolutely charming! It was fun getting to know them and to find out that they attend a great church. We know a few families who attend (or have attended) there, as well, so it was neat to find we had mutual friends.
This couple has been married for a little less than 10 years. They have no children, but I know they'd make great parents. I had a feeling that the Lord just hasn't granted this desire to them, but we weren't in a setting where it was really appropriate to discuss.
I went home that evening feeling a bit envious of this couple. While we stumbled across the porch over the paraphernalia our brood had scattered all over its surface, got the "could've-been-better" report from the babysitter, and looked at getting them all up and ready for church the next morning, this couple went home at their own pace, entered their neat house, and can spend the majority of their time focusing on one another.
Oh the peace! Oh the romance! Oh the envy I had!
I know that no one's life is perfect, but I was wondering what it must be like. I also know the dangers of envy. I tried to make myself remember the desire to have children when we had none. I imagined how the quiet would become overwhelmingly loud as time went on. I prayed and thanked God for each of our children by name. I then asked him to show me how blessed I really am and to help me with the envious feelings I had.
I went to sleep. I awoke with the same feelings.
When I went to church, I saw a friend of mine who, as I had found out, is also close to this couple. I told her how I knew the husband years back and how I just adored his wife. Both of these women are, apparently very close.
Then, the Lord answered my prayer in an unforeseen way. I found out today that the sweet wonderful wife has battled thyroid cancer for years. She still battles it to this day. They have recently found spots on her lungs, as well. What they are, they don't know as of yet. On top of that, they do desire strongly to have children - and still there is silence in their home.
Oh, the sadness of reality!
As I left church during service just to drive and cry, I prayed for this sweet couple. I also realized that I am no longer envious.
I am blessed beyond measure.