I was cleaning the attic the other day - a miracle indeed - when I came across a box of pictures. As I opened the box, I came across pictures of my oldest son as a baby. In the age of digital cameras, pictures of my last 3 children still in the midst of babyhood often flash across my computer screen keeping their baby faces fresh in my mind. But, my poor Michael's pictures are stashed away in the attic, only to shock me into the realization that it was just YESTERDAY that he wore the same clothes his 16 month old brother is wearing today.
As I rifled through these pictures, I remembered how impatient I was with his toddler-like ways. Why did he ask so many questions? Why did he whine almost constantly? I was reminded that I am still impatient with his child-like ways. After all, he's 11. Shouldn't he be more MATURE?!
What a sad realization it is when you see yourself making the same mistakes even after a decade.
As a mom of a young child, I would often think, "He'll forget this. He won't remember how badly I've just messed up." Now, as I make the same mistakes (bluntly - sin the same sins), I cannot console myself with that thought. He WILL remember the unkind words I say to him. He WILL remember my impatience.
If he preaches behind a pulpit, will he talk about the mother who taught him Scripture and helped him become a man of God? Or, will he praise God for allowing him to do His will IN SPITE of the mother he had?
I have to wonder.
When my older three were little, older moms would often tell me, "Enjoy them now. It's hard with all the diaper changes and their helplessness, but enjoy them. The time goes too quickly. Before you know it, they'll be grown." I tried to see it. But, I know I didn't understand.
My son is eleven. I found his baby pictures Saturday. His first birthday party was yesterday. Today I understand.
I am blessed to still have babies and toddlers. I'm trying to enjoy them today. For tomorow I'll be looking up at my baby. I'll be wishing I could remember what it felt like to hold him. I'll be trying to remember the last time I was able to pick him up.
Like I am trying to remember now.
I'm not going to say a Beautiful Mom enjoys the time today. Unfortunately, we don't seem to understand until it's a bit too late. Instead, just try to be a Beautiful Mom who ends up with few regrets.
Enjoy them now. It's hard with all the diaper changes and their helplessness, but enjoy them. The time goes too quickly. Before you know it, they'll be grown.