Thursday, March 12, 2009

Wednesday Night Church

Last night was my turn to go to church. Eric is now sick but everyone else is well. Therefore, I went to church with six of our children (Zane stayed home as he's so little).

It had already been quite a day yesterday and it just got better and better at church. (Sense the sarcasm). I felt so bad for the poor soul sitting behind us. It is comforting to know that she is also the mom of young children. And a friend. A very understanding friend.

Right before church began, Gloria had to use the bathroom. Of course, this means getting into the sanctuary after everyone is already seated and announcements are being made. If you go to a Baptist church, you know that announcements can last almost as long as a sermon. I would normally wait until everyone else stands for singing before going to my row, but I wasn't taking a chance leaving five children unattended.

I did that once. My then-4 year old literally tried to strangle his then 2-year old sister. Lesson learned. So, last night I had to crawl over 3 children to get to my seat. Of course, another child was in my seat which resulted in 3 more children moving down. That was inconspicuous.

Of course, as soon as we all got arranged, two children just NEEDED to tell me something right then. "Shh," I say as I look intently at the pastor, pretending everything is normal.

Song service. Ok, now we can stand. And turn around. And pass books back and forth. And drop them in the process. What were we singing?

Sit back down for the missionary. His wife sang a couple of songs. Very nice. I almost fell asleep during the second one - relaxing for sure. No, that is not a negative comment on her singing - it really was wonderful. It's just something about sitting down in church after a long day.

The missionary had a good sermon with a good message. I caught bits and pieces of it between children poking at each other, instructing children down the row to stop drawing pictures and pay attention, and shushing Seth who was loudly whispering "STOP" to his annoying sister. (By the way, this was the same pair previously mentioned in the strangulation episode.)

In the midst of all that, another daughter was quietly copying the words of a hymn from the hymn book when a sickening "rrriiiippppp" sound occurred.

If you attend our church and pick up the hymnal with page 353 torn almost completely out, I'm very sorry.

Did I mention that the father of my friend behind me was sitting on the far end of our row? Why does that matter? Oh, well, no reason. He's just our PASTOR! A very loving and forgiving pastor. Just like his daughter.

We stand for the invitation. Seth wants to pray at the altar. Feeling the need to repent, no doubt. However, I was in no mood to find out what sort of chaos he could create up there. This resulted in some pouting, but he was quiet. Until right before the final prayer when he again LOUDLY whispered "STOP" to his sister.

If you had looked up during the final prayer you would have seen me dragging 2 very sad children out of the church. Then again, maybe you wouldn't have had to open your eyes. You may have just heard us.

I know that all parents think that the whole world is watching them and being completely distracted when their children are misbehaving in church or any other public place. However, whenever I hear of a parent mention how naughty their child was, I must admit I never noticed. Here's hoping no one noticed our family last night.

Oh, and for your information, the release date on my child training book has been delayed indefinitely.


Jenna said...

You are hilarious! I love how you take stresful situations and make them comical.
LOVE the new heading!!

Sarah P said...

Hahaha! i am sooo cracking up Miss Vicki! you are sooo funny! and btw - i didn't notice any noises from yur side of the church :) so everyone wasn't watching your "naughty" children lol! Love the new pictures on the top of your blog!!

Brenda said...

OK--that last sentence about did me in!!!

the reynolds said...



arielle said...

LOL so funny.. even though I am sure you didn't think so!! :)

Sally and Greg said...

This was so good. I had to read it to my husband because I got such a kick out of it! He thought it was great and laughed the whole time I was reading it!

It was so easy to picture too! Great post!

Mrs. Bee said...

Man, I was waiting patiently for your book (pouts)..... Praise the Lord we have one available to us! Anyways, sounds like you had that kind of day. Hugs! Oh, it does get better.....
I have been told.

Little Family said...

Amy and I have had a kick out of reading this. We were laughing. We have all been there. Did you read the story about Samantha saying loudly during a quiet pause at church, "I tooted!" Kids.... ;)

Victoria said...

Ha, Julie!! I read that one - very funny! I guess our parents really love when their grandchildren do such things - payback time!:)

just a girl named jenn said...

Hilarious! I thought MY kids were the only ones who get ants in their pants during church (wink, wink). This was a great post, Vicki!

AmyLin said...

Vick, you are hysterical! If it was up to me there would be NO announcements. Why do you think I insist on being in charge of the bulletin? I do NOT want to hear thank you letters read from the pulpit along with dates that I am unable to write down and am sure to forget! Try as I might, I think it's a losing battle. ;-b

Little Family said...

Sorry I called your husband cute.

Persuaded said...

lisa w. sent me over here with express instructions to read this post... and it was surely worth the trip! oh. my. gracious. i wish i could say that i have never experienced anything like your wed evening at church..but being a good Christian gal, i just couldn't lie like that.

blessings to you and yours this morning (and prayers that your service tonight will be much less eventful;))